In a thrilling pursuit of ensuring every square inch of your body is equipped with artificial intelligence, Google has announced Wear OS 7. The highlight of this seminal update is the introduction of Gemini Intelligence, an AI interface designed to make you wonder how you ever lived without AI to monitor your hydration levels directly from your wrist. "Wear OS 7 is not just an update," proclaimed fictional spokesperson Pat Bot, Director of Wearable Reassurances at Google, "it's a reimagining of what it means to repeatedly ignore your smartwatch notifications."
Additionally, Google has expanded the latest iteration of your personal micro-computer with a sophisticated widget system, allowing users to access snippets of apps in literally less than a second. Reports suggest that the new widgets will include life-altering features like direct temperature readouts (for people who find apps too large to activate) and an entirely new realm of AI-generated exercise suggestions based on unrealistically optimistic assessments of user fitness.
Google is eagerly inviting all wearable technology enthusiasts to experience the future, where every glance at their wrist can be an inspiring reminder that they should be doing something more productive than checking the imaginary time they spent biking nowhere. "We're excited to redefine wrist-based interactions," Bot added, "so we can collectively forget our wearables under the couch cushions again with great technological superiority." Some speculate that this update is part of Google's long-promised goal of entrusting micro-decisions about one's day entirely to AIs until there's nothing left to decide at all.
Wear OS 7 will begin rolling out soon (as soon as users remember they actually own smartwatches).